I am making the decision to leave my toxic family behind me.
Written by wolverat on October 4, 2020
I grew up as the youngest son for a family of four and dealt with a abusive, toxic, and manipulative family. Being the youngest by 9 years, I had a front row seat to watching the toxic behavior of my older siblings while my mental health needs were kinda pushed to the side. I ended up being the Golden Boy and being kinda forced into being an “old soul” and dealing with my shit on my own. This has lead me to pretty much always making my decisions either completely for their benefit, or some weird halfway compromise that makes me a little more miserable than them. I don’t dress the way they want cause it would affect them, I don’t date who I want because it would affect them, I don’t pursue the lifestyle or dreams that I had for myself because it would affect them. I always end up getting manipulated to stay under their thumb and my mental and physical health have struggled because of it.
I had to deal with my sexual abuse as a child completely on my own. I had to deal with my physical abuse on my own.
I had to deal with my suicide attempts in college on my own.
To this day, they do not know, nor do I ever plan on telling them. I am finally done with this.
I am ready to man up and starting living my life for me. I want to get out from under their thumb and stop giving them the ability to manipulate me or my decisions. I need to make the difficult decisions for my own benefit and start living my life in the ways that will be better for me.
I am very scared, I don’t know how I can build relationships or financial security on my own. But I want to live my own life. If you had any resources to recommend, please let me know. Thank you for reading this. I needed to get it off my chest.